A Guide to Letting Yourself Be Seen

Have you ever caught yourself saying, "I don't feel heard" or "I don't feel seen." The desire to be seen and heard is a universal experience. The idea of being "seen" represents more than an abundance of eyes on you. An entire crowd of people could stare directly at you, but that may not translate to inner feelings of visibility and understanding. To be seen is to be understood emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. To let yourself be seen means to express yourself as the authentic version of you rather than shying away or hiding the truths of who you are. You show up for yourself and that leads to being seen for who you are.

In a world full of judgment, it may feel difficult to be authentically you. In this world, masking is prominent due to previous trauma, pressure to conform, fears around perceptions, and the simple fact that masking is often an easier way to navigate life. Masking often begins during childhood and carried into adulthood. This is why healing the inner child is so essential. (A topic for another day)

For people such as myself, Black, LGBTQ+, and neurodivergent individuals, masking is a seemingly common, safer way of moving through life. The problem with masking is that it is inauthentic, because it requires suppressing the true self. At times, you may have to mask for safety. The goal outside of that, however, is creating spaces that allow for authentic connection. That requires unmasking.

If you've masked your entire life, this may mean there are many people around who may not be fully aligned with you or fully understanding of you. When you look at who is around you, ask yourself: "How am I showing up?" That question can provide insight into why certain people are in community with you. With that, you can determine if these members are beneficial or not and begin making changes internally as well as externally.

In personal relationships, comfort, support, and authentic connection are paramount to the growth, longevity and intimacy of that connection. In professional settings, the aim is to at least be in a space that's less performative and more authentic. This is more difficult in a corporate setting as you bring compartmentalized portions of yourself to work, but the goal is for those parts shared to still be authentic to you.

Allowing yourself to be seen allows for your people to find you and for you to find your people. There are six practical ways to embrace full visibility.

Self-recognition

Letting yourself be seen begins with seeing yourself. Often times, other people can see your strengths, weaknesses, and values. However, they can only perceive based on their judgments and awareness of how you are presenting. Recognizing everything that you are allows you to fully understand all sides of you. What are your strengths, weaknesses, values, beliefs, desires, standards, expectations, life goals, etc?

Self recognition asks you to fully accept the beneficial and not-so-cute aspects of yourself. The good thing about full recognition and acceptance is that when you fully accept yourself, no one can tell you about yourself or judge you in any impactful way. By recognizing self, you claim all parts and step into full awareness of you. When you accept all that you are, you feel comfortable allowing yourself to be seen because others judgments and perceptions hold little to no weight over you. Judgment is only impactful when internal shame, doubt and fear are present. When you accept yourself, the shame dissipates and the judgment holds no weight.

Self recognition signifies seeing and showing up for you. See your emotions. Feel your emotions. Embrace your quirks. Embrace your differences. Embrace your values. Embrace your greatness. A secret to embracing these things? Embrace them in others. When you truly value the differences within humans, it's easier to embrace your own.

Daily self-recognition, emphasizing your greatness, is an additional confident booster that opens doors to visibility.

Consciousness

You've often heard the term "self conscious" in a negative light denoting overly aware negative perception of self or insecure. In this philosophical context, consciousness is your awareness of the internal and external experience. This is the awareness of your own body, mind, and its interactions with your environment. That includes your interactions with other people, your workplace, your home, your self care, and more. Leaning too far into how you engage with others can cause excessively planning next steps and actions. That breeds negative self consciousness.

For visibility purposes, keep the idea of consciousness simple. As you allow yourself to be seen, be semi-conscious of how you show up. This is merely for the beginning stages, because as you grow comfortable with authentically showing up, the need to question how you're showing up will greatly reduce.

Ask yourself questions about how you engage with yourself and the world.

• How do I present myself to others?
• Is this how I want to show up?
• How well do I see others?
• What determines whether or not I open up to someone?
• Is this in alignment with me?
• Am I overly judgmental of others?

It's similar to shadow work. The goal with this form of consciousness is to pause and assess how you engage in order to make any aligned adjustments.

A personal example: I utilized this form of consciousness to realign with my true self. At 12 years old, I decided I wanted to be extroverted and confident. A confident, outgoing version of me resided in my head, but often hid whenever presented the opportunity to shine. Even in small day to day interactions, such as calling the doctor, anxiety would overcome me. At my core, I could see the extroverted version of me existing within. Therefore, I made a conscious effort after that conversation with self to be more extroverted and confident. When the feelings of fear or anxiety would creep up, I'd override them by saying exactly what I wanted to say or doing things anyway. Due to this conscious shift, I evolved into a bolder person who made connections and went outside my comfort zone.

When you're conscious of your decisions, you grant yourself the opportunity to decide. If you like games, see it as a game of choice. If you go one route, it leads to one thing. If you go another route, it leads to another path. Choose your path consciously. Eventually, this won't be necessary, but it's a good start.

Vulnerability

To be seen, a willingness to be open is essential. People often shame vulnerability writing it off as a form of weakness. Vulnerability allows for truth, honesty, and reality to be present in your connections. Conscious Loving: the Journey to Co- Commitment is one of my favorite books about cultivating healthy, loving relationships outside of codependency. One of the 6 co-commitments of conscious loving is co-commitment 3. Co-commitment 3 says, "I commit to revealing myself fully in my relationships, not in concealing myself."

Vulnerability asks you to share your thoughts, feelings, experiences, and tiny truths. Speaking the small truths as the authors put it, allows you to be open, no longer hiding parts of yourself. As you open up, you cultivate safer spaces with a foundation of truth, authenticity, and pure love.

People constantly ask me, "why are you so open? how are you so vulnerable?" I am vulnerable, because I know that I am not alone in my experiences. Silence enables loneliness, shame, secrecy, and detachment from humanity. Walk with the understanding that your experiences are shared by at least one person on this earth, and vulnerability will be exciting rather than daunting.

Vulnerability is simply about sharing your experience truthfully. The depth you wish to reveal is your choice. In a room full of people preparing for an audition, vulnerability rises within you and chooses to say, "man, i'm nervous." Most likely, you stating that truth breaks the ice. People begin to open up as they are comfortable. Vulnerability says "ya, I have no idea what I'm doing here." That's ok. The position, feelings, and experiences you have are ones experienced by others as well. It's an authentic way of showing up. Incorporate daily vulnerability simply by sharing the small truths. That vulnerability opens doors to connection and relation. So, share more.

Authenticity

To be seen, authenticity is essential.

To be authentic is to be free in your expression and aligned with your essence, your ideas, goals, desires, and inner path. For those familiar with me, it's evident that my favorite philosopher is Jean Paul Sartre. In the words of Jean Paul, “to be free” does not mean “to obtain what one has wished” but rather “by oneself to determine oneself to wish." To determine your own ideas, your own path, your concept of success, your fashion style, and to be exactly who you are.

Authenticity simply is. Being and Nothingness is a philosophy book by Jean Paul discussing the essence of being and authenticity.

Showing up as you is authenticity. Express yourself. Know yourself. Be present. Respect your boundaries. Live in alignment with your values. Be open to growth. It is genuine true to self. No need for overthinking; it simply exists as it is. It is as simple as "I like that" or "I don't like that." Avoid conforming. Authenticity is a raw expression of your inner self.

Boundaries

Establish boundaries to determine what is acceptable and unacceptable for you if you wish to be seen and valued. Boundaries with yourself are limits for what you do, say, accept, and how you act. Boundaries with others are limits for how others can engage with and treat you. Boundaries are born by recognizing your "hell yes" and your "hell no." When you allow yourself to be seen, consider limits to protect your well being. Create a list of things that bring you these two feelings. Be consciously aware of how things make you feel while recognizing these feelings can transform as you grow. Healthy boundaries allow you to be seen without compromising your safety, health or values. You decide what parts of you that you wish to share, and how you do so.

Community Support

Be around people who wish to see your growth, success, and visibility. In my Diversity in Digital Audiences course, one lesson discussed the value social media plays in cultivating accessible spaces for people to connect authentically. Get in touch with your community. If you wish to be seen for specific things, there is a group of people out there for you. Whether it's in your in person community, online, or in another location, seek out the individuals who understand.

How? Through authentically, vulnerably communicating the aspects of yourself you wish to share. Online, the algorithm is great for that. Engaging in comments is great for that community building. In person, attend events, gatherings, spaces suited for you. I know. I get it. You have to get outside. *sigh* However, new spaces are the perfect time to show up new. Quite frankly though, some people would benefit from moving out of their hometown. I'm so serious. If that's you, go. Leave.

My therapist told me it's not that I'm different from everyone. It's that the people like me are located in a different space than I am in. She reminded me that I will find my people and be seen for me. She was right. I did. Sourcing the area and aligning with it is a major key, whether online or in person.

And that brings us to..

Self-recognition, consciousness, vulnerability, authenticity, boundaries and community support. Start there!

Being seen means more opinions, more judgments, and more disrupting. It also means more authentic connections, true intimacy, and a fulfilled life of joy. Being seen and heard is not about how loud or bold you are physically. When you are seen, you are valued and understood for your captivating, unique essence. Allowing yourself to be seen and heard means showing up as you so that others can see that captivating, unique essence.

And lastly,

Everyone doesn't need to see you

As a multifaceted individual, it's important to recognize that not everyone needs to see every dimension of your being. Allowing yourself to be seen doesn't imply the necessity of revealing every aspect of who you are. It's about choosing the level of openness and vulnerability that feels right for each specific relationship or situation. Authenticity doesn't demand complete disclosure but rather invites a genuine sharing that aligns with your comfort and the context of the interaction. As long as you're authentically showing up to the calling and sharing the true version of you, you are allowing yourself to be seen. Get specific about the ways you wish to be seen. Is it more visibility online? Is it seen in your emotions? Is it seen for your style? Is it being seen in certain spaces? Is it being seen in your identity? Now, embody that.

I hope you find your space, your people and allow yourself to show up authentically as you! Talk your stuff, show up, and be.