Understanding Non-Binary Identity
As more people question their identity and role in this society, the discourse around gender identity grows and evolves. Non-binary identity is an important part of the larger conversation around the diverse spectrum of gender identities.
At it's most simple, non-binary is an umbrella term for gender identities that aren’t solely 100% man or woman. Non-binary is a term for those who transcend the confines of the binary system.
According to Oxford Languages, binary means "relating to, composed of, or involving two things." In the case of the gender binary, these two things are man and woman. Someone who is non-binary exists outside of these two classifications. To fully understand gender identity, it's important to understand the differences between sex and gender.
What is sex and gender?
Your biological sex is a label you’re assigned at birth based on the body parts you’re born with. This is female or male. However, there are intersex people. Intersex is a term for people who are born with a sexual anatomy that is outside of the typical sexual anatomy. They are born with a combination of female or male anatomy.
Gender is more complex. The gender binary is an ever evolving set of norms, formulated for each gender, by society. Gender is the social ideas, behaviors, characteristics, and roles as determined by society. The gender binary says that women have certain roles, appearances, ways they *should* act. The same goes for men.
Additionally, every culture has different gender norms based on their own society and home country. This is where you begin to see the fluidity of gender as the expectations are fluid based on country, time period, political movements and more.
For a cisgender person, their sex assigned at birth aligns with their gender identity. A female who identifies as a woman is cisgender. However, the expression and identity of womanhood is often dictated by a set of rules and expectations society defines.
Breaking Down the Gender Binary
Non-binary people inherently challenge the idea that your sexual anatomy determines how you must act and present yourself in society. It is a gender identity as well as a framework for living. Understanding the non-binary umbrella involves acknowledging that gender exists on a spectrum rather than within fixed confines. Non-binary identity is fluid with different explanations and expressions.
The umbrella includes identities such as genderqueer, agender, bigender, genderfluid, androgynous, gender non-conforming and more.
For example, androgynous is one who identifies and presents as neither specifically masculine or feminine. Gender fluid is one who embraces the fluidity of gender identity, so their gender identity and expressions may fluctuate. Genderqueer people don't identify with a specific, fixed identity. Gender non-conforming is a large term for those who don't conform to society's gender norms. Agender is someone who does not align with any gender identity. There are many more identities that fall under the non-binary umbrella. One person may solely identify as non-binary while others use a more specific label such as ones mentioned above.
Since non-binary is an umbrella term, inclusivity requires acknowledging that each non-binary person will identify, explain, and express differently. Understanding non-binary people is recognizing the abundance and richness of gender experiences.
About Gender Expression
Due to the individuality and authenticity of non-binary people, how they go about expressing their gender identity differs from person to person. Gender expression is how someone expresses their gender through clothing, personal style, behaviors, characteristics, and more.
Non-binary people may present feminine, masculine, both, either or, one way on one day and another on the next. They may be a masculine person in personality and behaviors while expressing themselves with feminine clothing. They may be masculine and feminine in behavior and dress androgynously. Non-binary people may have long hair, short hair, no hair, or anything they desire. Non-binary individuals may receive gender affirming care or they may not. These are all examples of how non-binary people may present, but the keynote is that non-binary identity is an individualized process dictated by personal choice that may stray away from traditional gender norms.
With such richness and individuality within the non-binary umbrella, it's always best to ask, not assume regardless of what your eye perceives.
About Gender Pronouns
Pronouns play a significant role in affirming one's gender identity. In my day to day, I ask everyone's pronouns as a way to facilitate inclusion and awareness. However, using the pronoun "they" is often a default when there's a lack of knowledge on someone's pronouns because "they" is considered gender neutral.
Within the community, you may see non-binary people use pronouns such as they/them, ze/zir, or other gender-neutral pronouns to align with their identity and express that they are outside of the gender binary.
If you misgender someone, simply apologize and correct yourself. If you get corrected, say thank you and aim to use the correct pronouns. Often times, people draw a lot of attention to the mistake, sparking uncomfortable situations. It's best to simply correct yourself or apologize, correct and move forward!
Non-binary people may also struggle to feel comfortable speaking up in regards to their pronouns. To facilitate a safe space, it's ok to correct people who misgender your non-binary friend. Your friend will likely appreciate it!
My Non-Binary Experience
As a non binary individual, my preferred pronouns are they/them. While my online presentation often leans toward the feminine, my internal sense of self aligns more with masculinity. The contrast between my outward expression and internal energy is quite evident, especially within relationships. My presentation often diverges from my intrinsic experience and the energy I project outwardly. I find my essence, goals, desires, behaviors, and overall demeanor resonating predominantly with masculinity. While I appreciate and embrace femininity in aspects like sensitivity and vulnerability, I believe both femininity and masculinity should be acknowledged and expressed by all people.
I do not feel compelled to engage in activities or behaviors prescribed to specific genders merely due to the anatomy I was born with. My response tends to be, "Did my body dictate that I must conform to those standards?" The answer is no; these expectations originate from societal constructs, not from my genuine self. My goal is to remain authentic in all life endeavors, especially in my identity, embracing what truly sparks joy in my spirit.
During my childhood, people would often assign gender-specific clothing, urging me to conform to what was perceived as appropriate for girls. Conforming to the expectations of womanhood never resonated with me. I found it illogical to adhere to certain clothing or behaviors based solely on preconceived notions defined by others.
Throughout my life, I've explored my unique path, setting my own benchmarks regarding both my gender identity and the trajectory of my life. I live, act, dress, and think according to my personal preferences, irrespective of societal gender norms associated with certain choices. I'm me.
I firmly believe that both femininity and masculinity are intrinsic to every individual. I believe societal gender norms often seek to stifle the creativity, authenticity, and individuality of those who deviate from the norm in order to simplify the human experience. Despite this, I celebrate and embrace the diversity, complexity, and authenticity inherent in everyone's unique lived experiences. The myriad of human experiences never fails to captivate me. I am in constant awe of the beauty and diversity of the people on Earth.
While identifying simply as non-binary, others may categorize me as gender fluid or gender non-conforming. I exist comfortably within the spectrum of queerness without the need for definitive labels. The label "queer" provides ample amounts of euphoria for me.
Celebrating Us
Cultivating inclusivity, community, resources and education is important in the recognition of non-binary people and all people exploring their gender.
Understanding non-binary identity requires an open-mind and a willingness to learn and unlearn traditional gender norms. The goal is to be more inclusive and accepting, lovingly aware of the different human experiences that exist in this world. Acknowledge and celebrate the diversity of gender identities.
As society evolves, so should our understandings, acceptance, and appreciation for authentic self expression without limitations imposed by the "should's" of society. Whether it's the limiting framework around gender expression or societies imaginary timeline for success, self liberation challenges these frameworks and says: "No. I'm going to do this my way, on my time, how I feel called to do so" without pressure and with full authenticity. That is beautiful. That is something to embrace.