this one’s for those who have followed me since my spiritual days. 💌
people come up to me a lot and tell me that my teachings helped them. that i saved them from depression, that they feel so connected. ppl come up to me in stores, in clubs, in other countries, in dance class, in school, everywhere to tell me these things. words can’t express how deeply i feel about that. i truly value those first 3 years of connecting with you. your stories fuel me to keep going and truly affirm that this connection between us is so damn real. i value people, and aiding in humanities progress, more than anything. there’s a real impact and a real connection between us and i value that deeply.
though a fear years ago, i began phasing out the spiritual teachings. back then, the “why” remained unclear. these past few years i’ve focused on self, my family and even took a step back from therapy.
a few weeks ago, on the new moon in aquarius, i reunited with my therapist after a year of not being in contact. one of the last things she said to me during the session was, “you still have spiritual gifts to share with the world mani... you experienced betrayal in all of your spiritual communities and friendships the entire time you were out here (in LA) so it’s important to release those expectations as you step back into it”
spiritual gifts, sharing, community, and anything of that nature never crossed my mind during the session. in that last moment, she brought forth a key insight on why i left community for these years. why i decided to step back and be in my own world. (this is the perk of having a spiritual therapist cause spirit be speaking.)
as the sun and pluto entered aquarius and the new moon prepares to rise, so is everything regarding the first 3 years of my experience in the spiritual community.
while i shared so much from 2019-2022, that time period is one i remember as both beautiful, chaotic, loving and traumatic. all at once.
that time period birthed beautiful insights, relations and healing.
during that time, i also experienced intense amounts of jealousy, betrayal, extremely inauthentic people, spiritual deceit from elders, corruption in spiritual houses, random conspiracies about my existence, constant spiritual attacks, constant warnings, and more. i’m talking…within my 1st year in the community, a ton of practitioners in a group chat decided to put me on a hex list and hex me routinely. why? because it was a list of powerful, well known people on the rise. that was my introduction to the space and it got uglier as the years went on.
opening up my twitter account used to bring intense waves of stomach churning anxiety. i allowed people into my life who lied to me from the beginning. i became paranoid about who i should follow and follow back because of certain situations.. and i still am this way. being a public facing person was anxiety inducing to the max, and i still struggle sometimes (but i have scorpio placements, so maybe i always will.) i also shrunk myself down, boxed myself in, and let pressure pin me down. everything that could happen did happen during that time both bad and good.
before gaining a following, i had no idea any of this existed, and i didn’t expect any of it so everything hit home and hit hard. however, naive? i am no longer.
i hold nothing against anyone nor do i desire anything. i don’t blame anyone. i don't view myself as a victim either. it just is what it is.
my experience in harmful spiritual community is not unique. unfortunately, people of all faiths and communities experience this. the after effects require healing and forgiving others and self.
recognizing that there is much healing for me to do surrounding spirituality and spiritual community is essential. there is a fundamental lack of trust there, but i have a strong trust in the people who supported me and connected with me authentically. the people who are still here show me that. the people who tell me their life story upon first meeting me? those are the people i am here for and want to show up for. if you're still here, just know I feel such deep gratitude for you. i shed tears thinking about all of you who are still here today and truly see me. that means a lot to me.
that break from spirituality and astrology was divine. i am now at a place where i trust myself & desire to open up again, but this is a healing process for me. redefining how i share and connect is essential right now.
initially, i hesitated to share this message, but i’ve kept this in and i’ve kept people out for a very long time. those years ended up being a bit more traumatic than i expected. i never expected that.
i am excited to reconnect. i’m so different now, for the better. i’m fully me and that’s all i want to be.
it is okay to step back to learn and process, but i am excited to re-emerge with a renewed sense of purpose. how i see it is...no one, NOTHING, is ever meant to take away your light or your position. no amount of setbacks can dim the light or prevent your ordained destiny. don't let anything shut you down forever. remember that. and thank you for being here.
With love,
Kemi